i'm trying to be honest with you as much as i can.
and now i guess everything is falling apart.
i sent you that messaged because its the truth.
i find it difficult to talk to you now.
the words are they but they can't come out.
i wanted so much to cry out to you.
but you were just there.
was it too much to make the first move and give me a hug?
must i always be the one to come to you?
i'm the one who is constantly opening up to you.
do you even talk to me about you?
do you even open up to me?

the balance is thrown way off.

you would scold me for constantly blogging and not telling you exactly how i feel.
but do you listen?
i don't know.
i rememebered telling you exactly how special pet was to me.
no questions asked.
i haven't even starting crying.
cause i have no one to cry out to.
yes, maybe i have too much pride to cry in front of friends like amanda or lexine or audrey.
yesterday wasn't even a place to cry.
you know the conditions.
some people were there and i just couldn't do it.
i saw pet.
i was on the verge of crying.
and all you could do was to make a joke out of it.

you walked off.
like you always do.
because i made it a purpose not to walk away from you.
you walk off like you always do.
you say you want me to be happy.
i'm trying.
but please.
just let me cry first.
and handle things one at a time?
let me handle losing her first.
hopefully handling it with you.
for the last time.
before i continue to handle losing you.
is this alright?
just let me cry out to you for one last time.